Yes, that’s me when I was 5. The point is, as females, we are raised from a young age, by society, in a world where we automatically feel guilty for everything. As women, we are more inclined to say sorry for things that we aren’t even at fault for. That all the bad things can somehow to be tied back to our actions. When we say sorry, we give up our power. We relinquish it to the person at fault, who will now feel entitled to do as they want. In this post, I’m going to explore why females say sorry and how you should own yourself. I’ve read so many articles an essays about this topic, which is what initially got me interested. At the bottom of the post, there are links to websites and articles I enjoyed and recommend!
Someone walks into me, and what do I say? Sorry. I can’t begin to tell you how many times that has happened to me. I didn’t even notice this tendency of mine until my mom told me to stop saying sorry. That led me to research and read more about this. Needless to say, I was astonished by what I found.
“ Psychology professor Karina Schumann and her colleagues investigated gender differences in a study of self-reported offenses and apologies. They found that women not only apologized for more than men, but they also reported more offenses than men. “This finding suggests that men apologize less frequently than women because they have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior,” – Sydney Beveridge, Huffpost
Women apologize more because that’s how society raises them to be. We automatically feel like our thoughts, feelings, requests, even actions are impositions on other people. Society makes us apologize for simply being.
What’s the response to “I’m Sorry“? “It’s Ok”. You are giving up your power and are essentially giving the other person the chance to make everything ok. Again, this plays into how society raises females to be compliant and even submissive. When you choose not to say sorry, you claim your power and worth. You recognize that you have nothing to be sorry for, that you are not going to bend to the will of others.
This also means that we are unconsciously feeding into men’s ego and supporting their fragility. The word sorry is used as a cushion, to make others feel better. In a way, it validates others behavior.
How do you stop saying sorry?
- determine if the situation deserves an “I’m sorry”
- Acknowledge that you are a powerful, independent person who shouldn’t feel less than or in debt to someone
- Recognize that you can be polite and still not apologize
- Try rephrasing
- CLICK HERE for more elaborate explanations and examples!
So stop saying sorry when you aren’t at fault. Stop saying sorry when someone else bumps into you. Stop saying sorry just so that someone else doesn’t feel at fault. Stop saying sorry when you are just speaking up. I’m definitely still working on this as I do say a lot of unnecessary sorrys. At the same time, saying sorry is still fine when it’s used in an appropriate situation, don’t forget that. After reading all these studies and articles, I’m more motivated to make a change which is what I’m hoping this blog post will do too!
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